Posts Tagged ‘LGBT

13
Aug
13

You’ve Got Male

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So, I got a text today. I know, interesting right? But seriously this isn’t the kind of text I get everyday. Although it is the kind of text I should get everyday:

Hi Carnelious, (sp?)
I just wand to apologize for my behavior yesterday. While you were the perfect guest I was sorely lacking as a host. Not only that your prowess as a top was impressive plus you were fun to be around, period. Your visit was a nice surprise and very enjoyable. Thank you again for your graciousness.

Crazy, right? The text that would redeem at least 75% of the 90% of dates that go horribly wrong (the other 25% of botched dates might be my stuff, I’m willing to admit that) finally arrives in my inbox. And (despite my misspelled name) it made me feel, well, proud. Proud that I am indeed secure enough in myself to maintain my grace and humor in the face of cynical gay minutiae. Proud that I can control my urge to either curse out, punch or angrily yelp about the elitist and judgmental gay who doesn’t want to be judged. And I guess, I might as well admit it, proud that someone finally “got” that regardless of their previous conviction – they’ve never really bottomed until I was inside them. i mean…as a sensitive, “Politically Correct”, mild mannered activist recently exploring his inner kink – it’s nice to have your inner stud verbally validated (in addition to whatever it is they usually yell into the pillow, that is.)

The only catch? I didn’t mind this particular guy’s hosting. Didn’t Even register it. He owed me no apology. Granted I’m a bit numb to manner-less gays, as to take offense to all of them would leave little time in my day. But there was no “continuation chemistry”. I was perfectly fine walking out that door with a familiar and hollow “call ya later.” And then this. He tells me what I’m staring at the phone, craving to hear from anonymous guys 1 – 9. And I’m not sure if I’m the Ass or the Hole. Or which is worse.

But beggars can’t be choosers. So ill take the compliment, politely refuse the second date, and revel in the fact that it is indeed possible to fuck some sense into someone.

Oh, by the way, I know what you’re thinking. And yes, I did sleep with him on the first date. Its not like I could afford to wait after all. If we were going nowhere fast, I at least wanted to enjoy the ride.

02
Apr
13

Closet: I Am that I Am

I am a Black/Native/Unknown gay cisgender male.
Raised Christian, Pentecostal to be exact.
I currently identify as Spiritual, Intuitive and Blessed.
I am in regular communication with God through myself, my ancestors
and the challenges of life.

I am Loving by choice
Open and Friendly by choice
I am hurt, but actively trying to let go and not hold that against you.
I’m insecure about my masculinity
But there. To offer an ear, a hug, a meal or a couch to loved ones in need –
And holding down a job, a home, and a life.

I am sexual.
I am revolutionary – which I feel embodies imagination, kindness, love and optimism
In the face of your ugly side.
I am ordained by Destiny.
Blessed by Spirit to make dreams tangible,
Yours and mine.
My words speak things into existence.

I am Visionary.
I am compassionate.
I am here to change the world –
To love you, to learn with you.
I am curious.

I believe that God made me in Her image,
I believe I am saved by Grace.
Spirit is with me, shining brightly
Whether I be in church, on the streets or in my lover’s arms.

I am a commitment to nurturing Love and relationships around me
No matter how clumsy or insecure I may feel.

I am a commitment to fostering Freedom for All
Despite the resistance of those I fight against, for and with.

I am a commitment to being Christ-like,
Despite my particular Christian programming.
I’m not what I oughta be, but thank God I’m not what I used to be.

If we lived in a world where it was okay to be “out” about all these things,
My heart would be extremely light.
But we don’t.

We live in a world where YOU have to think it is okay for me to be these things;
And therein lies the problem.